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Nowadays, toxic elements are found almost everywhere.
January 6, 2026
Bernd Skupin
What does “toxic” actually mean? A deep dive into toxic relationships, masculinity, femininity, and the criticism behind the buzzword
Poison lurks everywhere. No, it’s not about fine dust in the air or harmful ingredients in food. Today, behaviors and attitudes are increasingly suspected of being poisonous – toxic – whether it's the toxic relationship with a partner that is not healthy, or a toxic work environment with power plays, overwhelm, intimidation, and harassment that should be left as soon as possible.
Siblings or parents are identified as toxic elements in one's own biography. If we indulge in toxic nostalgia and lose ourselves in past and supposedly better times, we risk falling into melancholy and becoming blind to the possibilities and happiness of the present. Toxic positivity, which only allows 'good vibes only,' but not anger, sadness, and frustration, leads to an entrenched rigorous optimism and a loss of the ability for empathy.
Even freedom, understood as the hyper-individualistic right of the stronger, can turn toxic. From friendship and love to family and politics, there is hardly an aspect of private and public life in which toxic elements cannot be found.
Most often the talk is about toxic masculinity. The term essentially summarizes all the old masculinity clichés, according to which a man must be tough and strong but must not show feelings and certainly no weakness.
He is supposed to hide fears and worries, he doesn’t cry, tenderness is difficult for him, as is an open approach to women. Because as a 'real man,' he must always want and be ready for sex. This dominance, derived from these and some similar traits, must be constantly reaffirmed.
This leads to behaviors that belittle, injure, expose, discriminate against, or simply ignore and not take others seriously, thus excluding or marginalizing them.
But there are also dangers for men. Trying to deal with every problem on one's own can lead to loneliness, isolation, and depression. And those who think they have to handle all tasks alone are more likely to head for burnout or resort to alcohol and drugs. Even the lower life expectancy of men today is partly due to the fact that significantly more young men than young women die early due to a riskier lifestyle and dangerous actions, and the decades of their unfulfilled lives are reflected in the statistics.
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The concept of toxic masculinity goes back to the 1980s. It appeared in pop culture no later than 1998, when the very first episode of Sex and the City talked about New York's toxic bachelors. In comparison, the term toxic femininity is much more recent, and its still young career is ambivalent.
Anti-feminists and so-called men's rights activists are all too happy to pick it up to demonize women and portray them as manipulative. The internet, as always, plays along. Meghan Markle is then, of course, blamed for Prince Harry's departure from the British royal family and the rift with his family.
And actress Amber Heard, who lost a defamation lawsuit against her ex Johnny Depp, was portrayed as the ultimate toxic woman, who lies, sheds tears, and plays the victim to achieve her goals. The message is clear: men can also fall victim to women, just as vice versa.
However, the notion of toxic femininity, originally formulated in feminist discourses, means something completely different. It describes competitive behavior among women caused by traditional power structures, which is just as culturally trained and deeply rooted in the unconscious as toxic masculinity stereotypes.
Two things come together here. Women are still subject to excessive expectations, which may be more contradictory today than ever. They are supposed to do their job perfectly and have a career, prioritize the needs of others, especially family and children, over their own, maintain social life and friendships, preferably engage – and always look good, be relaxed, and smile.
Pure stress. This is accompanied by constant comparison with others. And somewhere there is always a person who seems to find everything easier and does better than oneself.
And there's one more learned peculiarity. In books from Emil and the Detectives to Harry Potter and movies and series from Star Wars to Stranger Things, there is always just this one cool female character in the group of otherwise male main characters. This constellation is also known as the Smurfette Principle.
One could also say: There can only be one. If the maxim "I can only shine if you don't shine" is internalized, it makes sense for women to perceive each other as competitors and hold each other back instead of supporting each other unconditionally. The old patriarchal power structures come out on top. That's the toxic part of toxic femininity.
Of course, one can question whether every questionable behavior really needs to be called toxic or if the buzzword throws very different problems that would require equally different solutions into one pot and blurs the differences. And anyway, every mental construct only exists for a certain time until it is deconstructed and transformed into a new one.
But for the moment, the insights that come from the analyses of toxic femininity and masculinity are not a small civilizational step forward on the way to a more conscious, fairer, and more open relationship among all genders – if they are implemented into new attitudes and behaviors.
